You're on Anna's.

Anna/ Diyanah Abra :D
Thai-Pakistani mixed.
15, Youngest In The Family.
In a relationship (:
Naval Base Secondary.
I trust & forgive easily.
I'm cranky & ultra sensitive.
Don't be so quick to judge me,
you'll only get to see what I show.

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♥ Counter: Blog viewed since 1st December 2009,

My ♥, Adib Syahiran

Tuesday, December 29, 2009, 3:40 AM

Sunday, December 27, 2009, 4:37 AM

When i was MIA, i did this.

Sleepless nights, i needa meet Adib A.S.A.P!

Thursday, December 17, 2009, 12:14 AM

This is the fourth post today. I have the whole lappy to myself today.

I'll be going out with Wawan tomorrow. We're going to lunch-early dinner together. I don't know where we're going. I'm kinda excited, but i'm also very lazy. My flu, is almost non-existent and my throat's not so sore. I really miss my boyfriend. I think, this is the first time i feel like i miss him so very much.

I feel like, it's been so long since i actually sat down and talk to anyone. I've been gossiping, laughing, discussing, bitching and complaining since November and this Dec, and i've noticed. I haven't planned out my 2010 with anyone or even myself yet. I'm psyched that the year's ending and I'll be a year older and everything. But with school, which at this rate, is my only responsibility and practically my life. And which I'll be repeating next year, I haven't thought of school much, because that unhappy beginning that started a day before the last day of school, got many people talking and i honestly had enough of thinking of it. I'll keep all my futuristic plans on my studies to myself, i don't need a million aunt agony to tell me what to do.

I've been basically no role model to anyone this year. Honestly, I saw this coming, i just couldn't accept it when it happened. You should've seen me, skipping class, not coming to school, purposely going to classes late, not studying, sleeping in class. And when exams were round the corner, i did nothing but stare at the book. I believe, I thought Santa would pluck a cable into my USB enabled head and transfer me all the required information.

I believe I was dumb. Yes, originally dumb. My english literature essays of many words kept decreasing to the minimal amount. My language compositions that were once in many times complimented and shared, became boring and only passed potential foundation in language. My math that was capable of a pass before, became a numeric one digit. My science have always been on one end. However, Biology always kept me nearly passing. But after my continuous procrastinations, i started failing my science combi, with big Fs. My malay however, kept improving. Day by day. I was more hardworking on my what i thought was more important, Art. But in the end, nothing mattered. All that mattered was the EFFORT IN ALL OF THEM. From the beginning till the end of year. And I, did not put in any. Nothing was balanced. So, i never moved up.

Now, it doesn't seem like much of a big deal. My priorities have been set straight to successfully be in comparison with my new year's resolution. Although i've lost a lot of chances to freedom and trust, i've acquired a mind set and the ability to somehow close my eyes and shun off possible ill thinking that might bring me down. I believe it will all be gained back after i've put in effort. Well, that all will only be determined if i really stay true to my words and sincerely change.

This year, started off awfully, but everything that happened this year, has been a blessing, be it something unfortunate or joy. Everything is a blessing, only interpreted in different ways. This year, I cried at least twice a month. This shows that this year's been rather demeaning and maybe sometimes, it came off as very pressing and pressurizing. But I'm happy i pulled through with the help and support of family and friends. Alhamdullilah, they have always been the one pushing me and advicing me. I know, that if it weren't for them, i would have been in a worse state or I'd be less willing to accept all of these. Seriously, i'm very grateful to Allah, for making me endure all of these and learn from it. What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.

And this year, i've made plenty of friends. From different ages and backgrounds. I've made many unhappy and i believe, i've broken many hearts too. My mother for example, for not living up to my promise and for disappointing her. Hasroy, for breaking what seemed like a very happy relationship. Syida, for not being a friend to her and only wanting to be one after she went through so many hardship. Emilia, for not being a role model like I'm supposed to. I know, i've made many people very unhappy, and i'm honestly sorry. Because of this, i'm strengthening our relationship. I've made friends who thought me nonsense but made me very happy and treasured; Bobby for bringing me to every corner in Somerset and for making my life a little bit more livelier. I've made myself dislike a person and allow that person to have a mutual feeling. I don't hate anyone, really. I've shared joy, love and laughter with my classmates who were more than bonded and LR who changed and matured a lot since the past year. And also LFD, who in the beginning were a big part of our lives, but eventhough they slowly disappeared, we sill shared many happy moments together. My boyfriend, Adib Syahiran, we may have more to look forward to but the past days, weeks and months have been worth while, every second of my life and you've made me look at my problems as something small and you've made me appreciate all the other things. I've cried and shared my stories to people i never knew i could open up to. I'm glad, i'm glad all these happened. It got me here now. And those people, they played a big part growing me into now.

I'm admitting, i'd be lying if i said, i don't care for anyone's thoughts. Be it about me or themselves. I care very much about everyone, sometimes, a lot more than for myself. Looks, may seem superficial and unnecessary. But i tell you, they, are the most important thing in life. As important as your heart. How you carry yourself, creates and carries impression. It controls how much people talk about you and how much you need to care. Being accepted in society or a group, is not life, it's just part of life. You don't have to try so hard, just be sincere, be yourself. You don't need to revamp yourself so that others may like you. You don't need to have a 1000 friends to be normal. I have friends who accept me, in any way that i am. And yes, i try to look good for myself. Everyone is perfect, we're just different.

I believe i'm now, a little more confident and honestly, i really love EVERYONE, Abdul Razak, Priyanuch Aubontip, Jellinnan Razak, Muhd Lutfi Razak, Adib Syahiran, Amirah Zainal, Ashiqin Suhaimi, Emilia Feryna MJ, Hasroy Ruslan, Aizat Tajuddin, Firdaus Vailani, Museey Mustakim, Khidhir Suharto, Syida, Mahirah Jalil, Hanis Hamid, Muliady, Izzuan, Faisal Hamid, Syafiq Abu Bakar, Nurul Musfira, Hanisah Nordin, Junaidah Rasol, Erica Devi, Vivian Eu, Deena Nabilah, Imran Zailani, Ramdan Rashiddee, Kai Leong, well, really everyone (: I'm happy i'm still alive and living.

Semoga semua berjaya and err, have a brighter future. Next year's going to be awesome.

Najiah's so fucking rude!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009, 8:52 PM

This girl, Najiah, she's so fcuking rude. Nothing wrong with malays what. I'll whack her when I see her. I don't see the need to criticise anyone at that matter. She's so bold and uncivilized.

Adib, where are you?
I miss you siolszxszxszxszxszx!
Feels like we've not spoken to each other for eleven years. Eleven years kan baby? (:

I'm still sick, but I'm getting better. I'm meeting Wawan tomorrow, yay!

"What happened to dignity
Did it go away again?
Just like some worn out trend?
Will I still defend emotions?
What happened to honesty?
I don’t see it on the Top Ten
I only see it in what has been
Cause I still defend devotion

Am I alone?

Don’t wanna rest
I don’t wanna breathe
When I wanna hear about life
Don’t wanna hear a spokesman
I don’t wanna test
I want to believe
The god damn singer wrote the song
Don’t wanna hear a spokesman

What happened to integrity
I don’t see it on MTV
All I see is choreography
And I’ll never be a dancer
What happened to puberty?
Bad skin and insecurity?
And who the fuck is Felicity?
Cause I got problems of my own

Am I alone?"

- Goldfinger **Spokesman**

Aaron is smexxy, smacking hot. His voice is, FUH!

He made me sexcited to watch the rest of his videos. Damn, hothothot!

I subscribed to his channel. Woowoowoo!

Monday's outingwith the girls, photos!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009, 2:25 AM

I'll post the rest of the remaining pictures soon, I'm very sick and need to rest.
Overall, the outing was better than expected. It will be muchmuchmuch more exciting and funny when all 4/4 LR's outing again, not to Mira's house though. Heeheehee.

Had my utmost fun moments today. Hope it will repeat soon (:

I love everyone, mwahmwah. Please keep my site meter moving. Will link or relink all of you soon, okay love? (: Ouh, please remain faithful in viewing my blog.

CLICK ON MY ADS ABOVE MY BLOG BY NUFFNANG.
Thank you, i lovelovelove you.

Assalammualaikum.

Monday, December 14, 2009, 12:12 PM

Nobody, nobody but you. *Claps*

I'm sick, have i not said this enough? I'm pathetically sick. And ironically, I'm still going out. With 3/4 of the girls since Shushtheashhy couldn't make it. Hahah, shushtheashhy, get it? Nvm.

I don't know where we're going but i promise, there'll be loads of pictures. And i don't want to be the one behind the camera! ((:

I hope i get to meet my boyfriend. Or Wawan at least.

Have i told you how irritated i am with my flu? Oh, and not to mention, i am so irritated with people asking me about my studies when they aleady know. Especially this girl, by the name of F, she's so love sick and she's always only talking to me in MSN when she wants to point out my flaws or when she wants to bring me down. I don't know what i'm saying but, i feel like i'm slowly building up this hatred. Ugh, ya Allah, help me with my health and keep me away from all these nonsense. My head can't tolerate anymore questions.

I lovelovelove Obama.

Friday and Saturday.

The truth is, i never knew there was a roof terrace in front of my blog.

I toured my area like some kid.

Was out the whole Friday with Emy. After meeting Adib for a brief period.

Okay, i'm very sick so i only updated this blogger with pictures.
I went to Johore Bahru on Saturday.
My whole family except for my brother, went to dine at Singgah Selalu for dinner.
The traffic was ridiculous. It was so jammed, we were stuck there for almost an hour.
My sister couldn't stop being retarded but i won't disgrace her by uploading her pictures.

Please, view my photos, instead of reading my post. I'm too sick.
Oh, excuses.

AHHHH, 223 VIEWS THIS WEEK! POWER BABE!

Friday, December 11, 2009, 3:19 PM

I'm at Emy's house currently, and we're going out.

I'm just posting for the sake of blogging (:

Oh, my site meter, keep viewing my blog kay sayangs?

Assalammualaikum! (:

Tuesday, December 8, 2009, 4:54 AM

10 HOURS BACK, WELL, AROUND THERE:

I met Emy, Ashhy and Hanis at Yishun.

Hanis! I miss you ((: Thank god I met him, i missed that silly peanut.

We sat at, erm, i totally forgot where. I painted Hanis' nail silvery pink and Emy had to ruin it by coating the fourth coat Ugly PINK. Hanis wore a new top and had new shoes on! Hahaha, i like, very nice ((: We drank and ate.

We went to Mars afterwards, met Roy then Mira.

Roy look mcm mat rep. Very, erm, mat rep. Yea. Mira's new housing area's very homely and lime green. Her new house's AWESOME. I LOVE IT, SERIOUSLY.

Sorry Hanis darling, i had to leave you ): Heheh, you still had Mat Roy with you so i guessed it was still okay, kankan? I owe you bubble tea (:

Mira's mum was so fcuking cute! Hahahaha, aww, i love today. I really miss the girls, and meeting up was the best thing this month, besides my meeting my boyfriend uh!

I got reprimanded badly when i got home, but i was worth it. I would sneak out everyday and meet my heartlings if i could (:

Did i tell you i went shopping with my sister last Sunday?! I don't usually ask my sister to bring me shopping, but this time, i didn't care at all. I bought two pencil skirts, two new lycra tank tops, a denim shorts, a tunic, dirt cheap yellow bag and lashes. My sister spent 90+ on me alone, and Jelly didn't seem to mind. I love my sister, only because of this (: Oh, afterwhich we met mummy at the thai embassy because there was a function to celebrate Thailand's King's birthday. The music was so loud and there were many women dancing, like traditionally. FOOD! OMG, THE FOOD WAS AWESOME. Oh, and the feeling of engaging with someone in thai was refreshing, after a very long time.

I'm getting fatter. I think i've gained 8kg last week. And 5 more kilos yesterday. Haiyaaaaa.

(Look, i just noticed that i'm so so so so so so short. I took a picture for proof. When will i grow?)

Mummy said, no more going out for me, at all. I'll sneak out on Wednesday only? Hahaha, i cannot be at home all day, i can't. Haiya, I'm always getting caught, this sucks.

Oh, i successfully painted my nails hot red! All 20 of my nails, i'm so proud. I spent 2 hours and 23 minutes, standing ovation please. Hahah, i suck at painting nails ((:

Going to sleep now i guess. Ugh, am sleepy. Goodnight.

I miss Adib Syahiran the most.

Assalammualaikum.

I'm that kind of person who would ditch you to go out with my boyfriend.

I'm not the kind that will prioritize many other things over you.

And that tone you gave me on Facebook, it was exactly the tone I never wanted to hear, out of all people, from you.

How would you know what had happened?

I'm so awfully upset that you would even assume such things.

I am so awfully upset, so awfully upset.

I, never, went, out, that, day.

Saturday, December 5, 2009, 4:33 AM

POST FOR:

FRIDAY, 4 DECEMBER 2009

Adib, forced himself to smile because i took ugly pictures of him before that.

Adib's eagle eye. The recent amusement. He lied when i asked him where he got it from and said, "I went hunting for this."

B's off to KL for four days, cant call him and that sucks. He kept saying he misses me, and that made me so sad. Urgh, i miss you too! Adib, i dont think you'll ever read this until you get back. But if you do, i've given you the freedom to do WHATEVER YOU WANT for the four days. I trust you, so yea (: I hope you gain weight and maken cute when you get back.

Loves and lotsa hugs ((:

POST FOR:

Thursday, 3rd Dec:

Me and Emy went out, like FINALLY!

We ate stud's meal at KFC for early dinner.

Emy thinks the whipped potato's sexy.

Emy's a pig, she finished her drink before she was 1/4 down her bandito.

Overall, I HEARTS KFC.

Rudolf! Emy was paisey`ed cause i went around, jakon.

Upside down Christmas tree!

Yay, i love street fighter.
Love you people, mwah.

Assalammualaikum.

One, two, three, four, tell me that you love me more.

Thursday, December 3, 2009, 3:52 AM

I look pretty silly in this picture.

I've been rotting at home, doing practically NOTHING.

Eventhough i go out, it'll only be for approximately, say, 2 hours.

I've met Adib from Monday till today. I want to meet him tomorrow!

That's because he's going KL on Saturday till, even he doesn't know when he's coming back.

I'll be going out tomorrow, will be meet Emy! I've planned to shop at tamp. I've not exactly been there, so i need the exposure (: I don't have an effing clue on where my ezlink has gone to. My pile of cash, has turned into dust. Even my watermelon piggy bank's empty. I brought ALL my coins out when I went out last week.

Oh, I'm looking for tuition.

Can anyone recommend me one?

I need it twice a week,

at least an hourand a half each session.

Tolong lah, I need it )):

I'm going to sleep now since Azriee isn't online to entertain me, Adib bby's alseep and there's no one tagging my tagboard. Tak sukenye!

Goodnight, hughugs.
Assalammualaikum.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009, 5:21 AM

One post before i sleep.

I want to tell the whole world that, for once, I've found someone whose not the sweetest person, but able to make melt everyday.

Syahiran: You're worth every single micro mini seconds there is possible to me, you really do.

(Ugh, sweet kan! I know, jealous kan korang? Hehehehe.)

I'm the happiest girlfriend alive (:

Assalammualaikum.

I miss Ashhy and Mira.

I miss Wawan and Bobby and Aizat too.

Finally, Emy's home!

I think i might have met aliens yesterday. Tsk.

I'm in dire need of food and fags, sumpah tak bedek.

Ps. I changed my blog background, pictures and other details.

Assalammualaikum.

Selamat Hari Raya Haji.

Friday, November 27, 2009, 4:29 AM

Pada semua umat Islam dan orang yang sedang ber`holiday`ing,

KNNBCCB. I miss my boyfriend.

Assalammualaikum.

It's 3.27 a.m, and I'm currently chatting with Azrie who is fucking bored right now.

OMG! Adib's online. Ditching you for him, bye!

Assalammualaikum.

Thursday, November 26, 2009, 4:30 AM

I cant fugging get to sleep. I want to text and call Adib!

I miss Adib. I miss Emilia. I miss school. I miss Hari Raya. I miss LR's day. I miss Syida. I miss Myra. I miss, i pretty much miss my old life. Those funfunfun and free moments. Now I'm always broke, grounded and always a bore.

Assalammualaikum.

Movie Date, Raging Phoenix (:

We caught the Raging Phoenix, a thai action movie instead of our desired, Paranormal Activity because PA was only showing at 9.50pm. Fantat betul -.-

We dropped off at Orchard for Y to meet his friend at Uniqlo. I think Syafiq was trying to aply for a job? *Clueless* Then train'ed to Dhoby for the movie. Heard Khidhir was angry, sighsigh, sorry Khidhir)':

Before the movie, Y and Adib go hungry and they ate at New York Pizza.
Cheese fries! And Y's erm, weird-smelling-kerepoktaste-fries! I didn't eat because Mira and Fira didn't )':

Mira is such a bully, she totally bullies people. Especially towards Adib! She was so mean, she said, "Can you just shut the fuck up?" to Adib and then laughed. Thank god it was a joke, and it wasn't on me. I would have given Mira my signature face and sulked the whole day.

We caught the Raging Phoenix, a thai action movie instead of our desired, Paranormal Activity because PA was only showing at 9.50pm. Fantat betul -.-
The show started at 5.20 p.m and ended at around 7.10 p.m. It was, erm, okay. OKAY ONLY. Just the, "HAIIIYAAAAAAAK!" action that thrilled. It's overall, a stup movie. Not recommended.

Got on the train home with everyone else at about 7.30 p.m. It was still early but Miramiramira wanted to go home and I wasn't spirited enough to go elsewhere.

Adib and Y dropped off at Khatib, oh, Adib NEVER TOLD ME WHERE HE WAS HEADING TO. I only realized it when i got home and didn't know where he was )':

I got home at 8.20 p.m. Thank god, "Sister" was a good excuse, because i would have gotten nagged at as my brother was giving my daddy some issues and Razak, wasn't happy at all. Jelly said she's rather me go up then stay and wait for her. So i went home.

Caught Singapore Idol, I REALLY WISH TABITHA AND CHARLES WOULD GET ELIMINATED. Faster move on to the last two!!

Assalammualaikum.

Happy

21st

Birthday,

Muhammad

Syazwan

a.k.a

Wawan Soap!

(26/11/1988)

I read your NS note, longlong ago. When you first published it on facebook.
I cried when I read it. And when I read your other post, and i cried again. Ya ya, gembeng.

Dear Uncle Wawan, I really want to tell you how much I miss chatting with you, having you to entertain me at night when every other loser on my contact list has gone to bed. Since you've been there, serving the country, you've learn pretty much, a lot. And it's truly inspiring.

While there's plenty of other girls stalking and surrounding you on net, I sincerely would like to thank you for being there for me, and also trying to be a role model. No matter who I might be in your eyes, I'd still hope that your promise to take care of your darling adik, would never be forgotten.

You've been a pleasant company and a concerned elder, I hope your birthday will be filled with joy.

I love and miss you, Pakcik Sabun.

Semoga Allah sentiasa melindungi and murahkan rezeki, amin.

Wawan Soap's Note On National Service:

"When you're in a big auditorium with male shaven heads in a small reclamation land, awaiting to be instruct.
This scene is either hell or army.
Everyone's looks half alive, mostly dead. My mind is, I don't know where yet, but let's just say that the new clock has started ticking.Time set to serve the national service.

Everyone has different opinion on national service.
Everyone just wants to serve and not gaining anything from it. With a year and ten months in their hands, I'm going to make full use of it. I don't want to waste my time.
I can see a lot of "wayang" people already. Attention. That's what everyone is seeking.

What I tell myself is that be mentally prepared, but i know im physically not.
In the first few weeks, I can't cope well with the schedule. Muscle aching everywhere. No time to recover.
Maybe I'm not used to it.
My mind says "Let's Go!", while my body replies "Fuck You".
The commanders keep reminding us
"Endure! you are future leaders to be".
"Where got shagged?"
I reply with a stoned face. Stoned shagged face.

Jump back to months before national service. I still remember the times when my mother always pester me to go jogging. At least, train up a bit of your stamina. Nope. I did not listen. This is what you get for your stubbornness.

It feels like you wanna sneak out of the company line and get on the fast craft back home to Singapore.
Hide inside a turtle shell and never want to go out.

Give me a ticket out of here.
I cannot take it anymore.
Give me some invisibility cloak.
I really cannot take it anymore.
I keep telling myself. I don't deserve this.
No Way Out.
Now I feel like a pussy.

FAMILY

Lonely. I was feeling lonely. Probably, it's the effect of breaking up with someone that you have been for too long.
When I was in a relationship, I really didn't bother much about my family. Treating my house like a hotel.
Checking in and out. Free food. Free shelter. That's how fucked up it is. You only want to give your fullest attention to her. I was having a bit of mental breakdown when I broke up.

Week 3. I suffered a minor back injury which caused me to received 3 days status. Meaning "No Pt". You have to watch pathetically while others train. suffer together. I realize that I'm not going to survive if i keep being injured. I need to train hard. When the 3 days have passed, on the first day, it was Speed Training.

The injury returned.
My backbone feels like its going to break.
Honestly, in this type of situation, i rarely cry. But I did. I cried. Its been years since i cried.
My section mates gathered around me. Trying to cheer me up. I feel seriously like a small kid who lost its way.
I called up home. Mom picked up. I broke down again. Telling her how disappointed I was with myself.
Her words of comfort. It made me realize how my family were always there to support me. They were always there for me.
It was only me. I was stupidly slow to notice after these years. I was depressed that I had to watch my company train while I did nothing.
They were putting in much effort. I don't want to be sitting here. I dont want to be looking like a "keng".

Words of advice: Family is will always be family. Your girlfriends, ex or either friends wont be there for you forever.
Value your family.

The 7 SAF CORE VALUE.
Loyalty to country. Leadership. Discipline. Professionalism. Fighting Spirit. Ethics. Care for soldiers

Field camp.
I can summarize the experience by expressing in a minimum number of words.
8km March. I almost died there. Struggled.
Luckily, there was my platoon to help me out.
Shell scrape. Hours of digging.
Raining. Muddy. Wet. Cold. Tired. Shagged. Can't Sleep.
Lit up a fire. Gather some people.
Complaining how cold the weather is.

Punishment.
Leopard crawled in the mud.
Jumping Jacks in the mud
Push ups in the mud.
Crunches in the mud.
More and more mud.
And it's like they want us to love the mud so much. Interact with the mud. Make love with it.

The letter during field camp.
I cried again. Holding on the letter with small colorful drawn heart shapes.
I miss my family. I miss my niece and nephews. Those small kids. Cuteness.

This is how our lives were supposed to turn out.
You will realize how much it will change your bloody life.
They put us in a situation where we are homeless with no loved ones.
Like the song goes "With my rifle and buddy and me"
I feel like I was in the war. Surviving. Defending our country.
The forest feels like the devastation of wars.
The broken roots. Fallen trees. Lonely leaves.
Imagine if those were destroyed buildings. Lost of loved ones. Lonely souls.

That's when I realize that I need to step up.
I need to endure.
I need to work hard.
I want to prove to myself.
I need to protect my love ones.
I can't be in this status mode if I want to defend them.
What if there was actually a war, am I going to runaway?
There is certain rules that must keep in mind
Not the rules about being fair and honest.
Rules about protecting your family from poverty and disease.

Who I was before national service is just a story now.
Everything before now, before now, is just a story I carry around. I guess that would apply to anybody in the world.
What I need is a new story about who I am. I am a soldier. I am here to protect my loved ones. I am here to defend my country. "

Tuesday, November 24, 2009, 7:43 PM

Apple Pie - $0.80 [Fucking delicious]

Oh, i finally got my free drinks from Burger King.

Asyik rambut, rambut, rambut je.

Khusyuk, playing some jewel game on Adib's phone.

Met HANIS, ADY and ROY at Sembawang. Met them for awhile. I was sad and frustrated when i left to go t Yishun because they kept insisting that i stay. But i couldn't, i wished you guys understood. I mean like, i know it has been awhile, but i had plans. I promise, there'll be a next time. Rushed to meet Adib because he texted, "Baby, i changed and everything already tau! Where are you?!" I panicked seminit then got in the train to Yishun. Met Adib then Syafiq. Saw manymany big boobs, so Adib claimed. && saw Zaki, hahahaa, the hair, fuyoh. Went home after a few hours. Got to devour into apple pie that Mummy bought or $0.80, it's effing delicious and cheap man!

Oh, my double decker bed had finally arrived. It reeks of fresh wood and is effing huge. Makes the room look so cramped. But at least I don't need to worry about sleeping on the floor anymore. Yay yay!

Oh, I'm bummed that i cannot celebrate Feeqah's birthday with the rest because they agreed on Saturday and I only knew it TODAY, walao. I was looking foward to NOTHING. Thanks uh. I planplanplan, plan what to wear somemore! PFFT. Whatever uh. Then, that stupid assholic Emilia, think she's winning some competition in Malaysia by not coming home. Eeergh, I'm so ANGRY!!!!

Whatever it is, I'm looking forward to tomorrow's movie date with Mira and Hanis. Roy's working too, so, I'm so excited to get to go out with two of the best people on earth.

Assalammualaikum.

Monday, November 23, 2009, 2:54 AM

I can't sleep.
Adib's going to kill me if he finds out I didn't turn in for the night.

I'm bored, at 3a.m.

I've been bloghopping and facebooking. I need to sleep.
Let me fall asleep?

It's been 14 days since I got into a relationship, I feel, for once, i sincerely believe that i don't need to say much to say that I'm happy. We've dated for almost three months. & i hope it gets better and stays that way. I hope my initiative, by calling you and texting you everyday ain't bothersome. Because I believe you miss me too!

Adib Syahiraaaaaaan, has been nothing but a big gundu.
Ugh, see lah, now I'm impatiently waiting for Tuesday.

Need to sleep, gotta sleep.
Logging of blogger and the net, for good.

Assalammualaikum.

I feel like a HIPPO nowadays.
My face got as round as a ball.

I miss LR. Miss them the most, besides boyfriend. Who I have not met since movie date on Wednesday.

Been literally rotting at home. Waching telly, eating, sleeping. I started jogging again! Heheh, but this time, it aint a breeze, i felt like i was killing myself. Seriously, i was out of breath and i'd start stopping after every 20 minutes. SIGH.
Glutton's a punishment.

If you'd look closer, you'd notice my hair! It's long and, erm reddish brown. Ugh, stupid 3E3.

I hope my movie date with Hanis and Mira works out. Can't wait for another free movie actually. Khid! Heheheh.

Gotta sleep man, I've been waking up early and sleeping late. INSOMNIAAAAAA, for once, i feel like crying because i want to sleep!
I've gotta watch the girls' netball friendly tomorrow, have to. Have to!

Till my next post, lovelove.
Assalammualaikum.

Friday, November 20, 2009, 9:10 PM

Gosh, i thought she would sound different by the way she talked. She's good (:

Anyhoos,

Happy

15th

Birthday

Baby girl!

There's so many things I wish to speak to you about. Things about us, you and many other things. I hope you fcuking take the bus back to Singapore now.
I miss you a lot Emilia!

Now that you're older, I pray that you be more sensible. Don't judge a book by it's cover. Lessen your nonsense. Strengthen your relationship with others, especially your poor boyfriend. Talk more sense. Start studying instead of thinking of unicorns. Chase Crawford and Alex Evans ain't coming to get you so treasure that small peanut. Please, before you start doing things, think. And put yourself in someone else's shoes before you open your mouth to speak or if there was ever a thought to hate.

I hope, that after being with me for almost 7 years, you'd start opening your eyes, mind and soul.
Don't just think that you're 15, and you'd need to make your own decisions. You're always making them hastily. You've got me to help you make one. Though I may not be any older, I believe you'd need someone close to you. I'm always here.

I love you so much Emilia, prove to me that you'll change.
Don't break hearts, mwah.

Happy Birthday, Aizat!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009, 12:30 AM

Happy

15th

Birthday,

Aizat!

My brother from another mother.
*Laughs and gags*

I LOVE YOU A LOT, BABI.
Fcuker, you better stop bullying me.

Hope you had fun being stupid and retarded today,
insyallah, your future's gonna be awesome.
Have a great birthday!

Ps. Don't put in high hope's on that birthday present.
*WINKWINK*

14th

Birthday,

Kaliesa!

Happy Birthday honey! Apparently, your birthday falls on the same day as my best friend, up there!

Stay pretty babe (:

Assalammualaikum.

i may certainly not be the closest

to you, but i am still equally as worried for you as the rest. I hope my story will help you balm your pain and somehow armour you with my support.

The last time i cried so hard for a friend when their family member passed away, was in primary 4. It was for my best friend. Someone who was never the same colour or race. Her name was Hui Si. For all i know, we practically shared many things together, homework, problems, gossip, money and sometimes even clothes. She was the nicest person i could ever remember in primary school. She was the only person i could open up to then.

She would always tell me, "Diyanah, I love my granny," and smile. It was like she was sharing her grandmother with me, i kid you not. Every conversation with her would consist even the tiniest detail of her grandmother. I fell in love with this graceful figure that Hui Si kept talking about. I know that by that much, she cared and loved so much for her grandmother. As far as i could remember, it was all so sudden. The loss.

She didn't turn up for school and i found out the reason why. Her grandmother had passed away on that day. I cried that instant. It was as though, i was at loss too. It was as though i lost someone dear and close to me. I somehow managed to put myself in Hui Si's shoe and found myself dealing a huge blow. The graceful figure that i've been looking up to, the one that got me inspired and the one that has always been praised, all gone. I felt like i just lost someone i had known all my life, it was unbearable. I found myself crying for two whole days at the loss of someone i wasn't even in touch with. I was constantly reminded of my best friend. What a great deal she must have been going through, i thought to myself. I prayed to Allah to lessen the burden of my best friend because how it affected me, would have had a bigger impact on her. I kept praying to Allah every time and it paid off.

Because when she came back to school, I asked her well being and she replied me, saying that she wasn't exactly crushed to bits like how she expected herself to. She said she somehow handled the situation so positively and so well, she didn't know how it happened and it felt like somehow, someone had prayed for her.
After this experience, i truly believe that this is the work of god. I guess that everything that happens in life, is for a reason. Some need it as a lesson, some need it so that they get closer to their family. But in these times of crisis, the only thing you need to do, to pull through, is to allow yourself to get closer to god.

Allah itu maha penyayang, whatever happens, Allah akan sentiasa sayang hambanya. It was time that your grandfather served his years on earth and returned back to meet Allah. Take it positively, everyone will live to die.

Don't let your misery rule you, don't get yourself to think of his absence and fret over his loss but instead, think of what he has done to successfully establish your family tree and the happiness that has been shared between him and everyone else throughout all these years. If we are not strong enough to handle such loss, then we are not ready to receive further memories and new upcoming. You have to be strong my dear friend. These are part and parcel of life. Everyone would go through it, sooner or later. It's just a matter of how you handle it. Besides, if you're strong, you'll be there for everyone else. You'll be there for your mother and father. You'll be there for those who were the closest to your grandfather.

I hope you take this as a stepping stone to move on and think positively. Allow Allah into your heart and allow yourself accept these unwanted chapters of your life. I have lost someone before, so i would very much understand the pain that you are going through.

Now, i have played my part as a friend and i hope you have the courage to go through this obstacle. You have the support of your friends and family, so stay calm my friend :)

I'll pray for you and your family. I surely hope that you and your family will overcome this quickly and carry on with life.

Everything will be okay, you know how to reach me.
I love you Khid, take care.

Assalammualaikum.

I think I forgot how to blog.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009, 12:50 AM

My throats rusty and my nose is runny.
Oh, oh, and my ears, they get congested easily, feels like im under water.

Today, Yan made me lose my mood.
I was questioning about our movie date on Wednesday
andandand, eergh. Like that like we quarreled ..
Butbut, I slept on my frustrations and ate. So I'm fine (:
Can't wait to meet you! ^^

Went to Johore Bahru on Sunday.
Was okay I guess, it's been like forty years since I've gone to JB with my family.
OUH, MUMMY TREATED US, AND SHE WAS SO CUTE ON THAT DAY.
Did i tell you i had to ditch Yan and Ashhy for it?
Bby was so pissed at me that he used, "Yea whatever." on me.
GILABABIANGRYSIOLSZXXX.

I don't know what to do anymore, as in, the holidays.
I'm always stuck at home.
Reading Jodi Picoult or watching the telly.
Woah, sounds like I'm beginning to attain the "No Life" label.

Oh, the book got wet during the sentosa trip so it's wrinkly ):
Sorry bby!

I'm planning to go ETP next two weeks. Andand, go camwhore with LR. Andand, oh, I'll be going swimming tmr. Damn, I should go out more, shop more, meet people more, go for netball, exercise and stop eating at home. Glutton's a punishment.

Oh! Bby, guess what my cousin bought when they came to visit my granny today?
Papaya and watermelon!
Hahaha, i think they read your mind!
Hahahaha!!!

Assalammualaikum.

Saturday, November 7, 2009, 10:16 PM

HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY,

ASHIQIN SUHAIMI CUM ASHHY!

I LOVE YOU TO DEATH.

*Reaches out to grope your boobs*

WATCH THIS: CLICK HERE!

*Oh, it's not a virus, I promise. Funny shit.*

PS. I MISS ADIB SYAHIRAN.

Assalammualaikum.

WHY? Because the sky is high.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009, 11:38 PM

The laptop's lagging so I'm unable to connect to most of my desired webpages.

But that won't stop me from saying thank you!

Firstly, I would like to thank everyone who has tagged me. Those who encouraged, cared and supported me. I really appreciate the concern ((: You guys are so sweet, I feel very, erm, LOVED. Hehe.

Thanks to Amirah Zainal Abidin, Ashiqin Suhaimi and Emilia Feryna MJ, I spent my last few days in class being happy. You guys were there for me, eventhough I was always going Bonnie & Clyde the whole week. A drastic change in Emilia, especially, for being there for me, 24-7 and showering me with veryvery sweet text mesages. I love you guys :P

To love, Syahiran bby, for trying your hardest to console me and make me feel much better. For taking the effort to be there for me and assuring me it'll be fine. Heheh, I OWE YOU (:

My classmates who told me to stop being playful and reminded me to buck up.

Syafeeqah Fauzi, Erica Devi, ugh, you guys have been really nice to me :D

Mun and Hamkha for always consoling me!

The partial LFD for giving me hope and comfort.

Dian bby, for not forgetting me and reminding me to think positively.

My cousin, Shaqilah, for giving me a call and encouraging me.

Emilia's dad, MJ, terima kasih banyakbanyak Pakcik, insyaallah, tahun depan akan menjadi lebih, ermerm, BETTER. Hahah!

My biggest THANK YOU,

who never reprimanded me but instead believed in me and is supporting me.

for expressing her agony but nevertheless,

still loving and helping me through all this.

I really am happy that I got through it emotionally well, all because of you guys, because despite all the criticism and harsh remarks from people, I'm seeing through this as not a problem but a lesson learnt from me. I hope next year's all sweet and salty, cause I super duper uber excited for it!

I'm just 15, and retaining aint that bad, I need this. Though I've kissed my 4-year O-level route, goodbye, I'll just act like the year never ended and wait for my O's in 2011. Haiyakkk, like so long gitu kan.

Thank you, REALLY. Mwahmwah, love youyouyou!

Assalammualaikum.

"You broke my heart, you know that?!"

Friday, October 30, 2009, 5:47 PM

I cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried.

The word just suddenly appear alien, don't you think so?

I cried on Monday, I cried on Tuesday, I cried on Wednesday, I cried the most on Thursday and I cried today. Mcm tak bosan gitu eh, nangisnangisnangis. I saw this coming, couldn't accept it then but I believe it now.

I'll be retaining next year, repeating the whole phase of Secondary THREE again. I feel so pathetic, seriously, I feel so ultra stupid. Because everywhere I go, people will tell me, "I'm so disappointed in you, I really am."

When I told Mummy about my results and how much I thought it was a good idea to build my foundation this way, she started crying and saying out loud, "All these while, Mummy thought you were hopeful, but you're the worst! YOU ARE A FAILURE! Why you so stupid?!"

Those words, hit me. I didn't know how to feel, what to say. I started crying, choking on my tears.
"Why are you so stupid?! You broke my heart, you know that?! Mummy don't sayang you anymore. You're the biggest disappointment in the whole family, Diyanah." Those words, keep repeating, over and over and over and over.

I've broken my mother's heart, I'm a disappointment, I'm a failure, I'm so stupid, I'm a very bad daughter.

I've broken my mother's heart, I'm a disappointment, I'm a failure, I'm so stupid, I'm a very bad daughter.
I've broken my mother's heart, I'm a disappointment, I'm a failure, I'm so stupid, I'm a very bad daughter.
I've broken my mother's heart, I'm a disappointment, I'm a failure, I'm so stupid, I'm a very bad daughter.

My whole life, I never thought I'd hear my Mummy say that to me.
Her words, it hurt, so much, so much, too much.
I had just wish she'd just vent her frustration on me with a cane or a belt, or just anything.
Just hit me,
just hit me,
just hit me.

I don't think it's the end of the world, really, I've seen so many people degrade themselves after their O's and go nowhere. Sometimes, the hardest things are the right ones. I'd have to accept this sooner or later.

I just wish I'd have the heart and courage to go up to my Mummy, hug her and apologize, but my family's not like that.

Mummy, I'm sorry, I love you. Don't give up on me, i beg you.

Assalammualaikum.

Saturday, 24 October (:

Sunday, October 25, 2009, 3:27 PM

Thursday, October 22, 2009, 5:46 PM

Currently at Mira's Place, damn, it's fun here tauuuu.

Karaoke, watch Videos, eat and gossip and update each other.

Apparently, LR's around me ((: Suke.

Amirah sound like a guy today, un`sexy, seriously.

Saturday, funfun? Will be looking forward to it.

Insyaallah, nothing bad will happen in school and that results will be fine, seriously hope so.

Okayokay, good luck to all who's taking O's ((:

Yay yay, exam over beb.

Oh, Hasroy said, "Happy One Year Anniversary!" yesterday.

*Anna gags and laughs out loud*

Assalammualaikum ((:

That's all I'm after.

Sunday, October 18, 2009, 11:12 PM

Me and Emy didn't attend the birthday party at Jun's house. Sorry Jun ):

There wasn't any other going and I had plans tomorrow, so I stayed at home instead.