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Sunday, June 28, 2009, 10:58 PM
Hopeless, Useless. BREATHLESS.
Thank you Emilia, I love you too. I'm so happy i got it off my chest, I love my mother, you should know how i feel. Thank you for offering to pray for my granddad and my mum. You're so sweet, i honestly feel like i've gotten my Emy back, i love you sayang (:
Danial, I'm sorry, you didn't open up to me. But sometimes Danial, life's just don't go our way. I understand your situation, but i'll never know how you feel. It's you, i feel so helpless. But Danial sayang, your daddy's still your daddy, regardless. He chose the wrong path, he abandoned you. It's like your childhood never had him.
But you have got to understand, life's a matter of how you see it. You're fifteen and kicking it, what's twl doing? Look at what it has done. There's so many other ways to seek help and pass time, i honestly do not understand why you have to do this.
Your actions left me to feel a sudden tinge that drifted our relationship that's already on the verge of breaking. Shahirah can do whatever she wants for all i care, i dont think i know her anymore. Just because one problem appears after another, that doesn't mean you have to bail on everyone else to satisfy your wants.
Everyone's here for you, from what i know, Didi's not capable of taking care of ALL your needs. i understand, he's there for you and i respect him for trying to do so but do you think you're as leveled as his family on his scale? And he's fifteen too, for pete's sake. It's no sin but he hasn't experienced everything to assure me anything. I'm not going to believe that someone who is of the same age and bearly making it, is going to take care of you. Didi's wonderful, in many ways, but i cannot be assured just because he asked me not to worry.
I'm sorry Danial, many are behind me at this and i don't want my friend to just join a gang just because he needs to boost up his bravery. I don't believe in short cuts, earn your respect, you can be brave in many ways, it doesn't always have to be like this. I'm just against it, i'm sorry.
You go think it through, i hope all ends well. I love you okay Danial, you're my bestfriend, i won't leave you just like that, i know words don't mean much but these are the only little things i can afford to do for now.
Danial, I'm sorry, you didn't open up to me. But sometimes Danial, life's just don't go our way. I understand your situation, but i'll never know how you feel. It's you, i feel so helpless. But Danial sayang, your daddy's still your daddy, regardless. He chose the wrong path, he abandoned you. It's like your childhood never had him.
But you have got to understand, life's a matter of how you see it. You're fifteen and kicking it, what's twl doing? Look at what it has done. There's so many other ways to seek help and pass time, i honestly do not understand why you have to do this.
Your actions left me to feel a sudden tinge that drifted our relationship that's already on the verge of breaking. Shahirah can do whatever she wants for all i care, i dont think i know her anymore. Just because one problem appears after another, that doesn't mean you have to bail on everyone else to satisfy your wants.
Everyone's here for you, from what i know, Didi's not capable of taking care of ALL your needs. i understand, he's there for you and i respect him for trying to do so but do you think you're as leveled as his family on his scale? And he's fifteen too, for pete's sake. It's no sin but he hasn't experienced everything to assure me anything. I'm not going to believe that someone who is of the same age and bearly making it, is going to take care of you. Didi's wonderful, in many ways, but i cannot be assured just because he asked me not to worry.
I'm sorry Danial, many are behind me at this and i don't want my friend to just join a gang just because he needs to boost up his bravery. I don't believe in short cuts, earn your respect, you can be brave in many ways, it doesn't always have to be like this. I'm just against it, i'm sorry.
You go think it through, i hope all ends well. I love you okay Danial, you're my bestfriend, i won't leave you just like that, i know words don't mean much but these are the only little things i can afford to do for now.
Sunday, June 21, 2009, 9:56 PM
Happy Birthday Boyfriend.
Dear Hasroy,
I havent wished you at all. And i don't plan to till the very last minute. Everyone wants to wish you first, but i want to wish you last. I want your birthday to be special. I'm sorry i couldn't spend it with you like how you did for mine. I promise, I'll celebrate it specially, tomorrow, when we meet up.
I didn't want to reply to your messages or call you because i wanted you to feel like i forgot your birthday but, i certainly did not forget my boyfriend's birthday! I'm sorry if this made you angry. I wanted to go all the way to Marsiling to surprise you but i really couldn't. I'M SORRY. I hope our Friday's outing to Sentosa to celebrate your birthday was partially enough. PARTIALLY.
I love you Mr. Boyfriend. I hope your birthday was a blast today though it wasn't spent with me.
I can't wait to celebrate your birthday tomorrow, we'll act like it's still your birthday.
I'll pray that all your wishes would come true and longevity for you and your family.
I'll pray that you'll get better days in the days to come.
So that you won't feel unwanted, cause i still want you.
I'll pray that you'll always be well.
I'll pray that this won't just be some luckless romance.
I'll pray that you'll get richer and you'll pamper me more, HAH.
Lastly, I'll pray that i'll always have you.
And for once rahter in all the other relationships, I mean this.
Won't wish you yet but since today is also our Monthsary,
HAPPY EIGHT MONTHS.
On this very date, at 1030pm, November.
It's going to be 1030pm on my watch soon ..
Love you babe.
Mwah.
I havent wished you at all. And i don't plan to till the very last minute. Everyone wants to wish you first, but i want to wish you last. I want your birthday to be special. I'm sorry i couldn't spend it with you like how you did for mine. I promise, I'll celebrate it specially, tomorrow, when we meet up.
I didn't want to reply to your messages or call you because i wanted you to feel like i forgot your birthday but, i certainly did not forget my boyfriend's birthday! I'm sorry if this made you angry. I wanted to go all the way to Marsiling to surprise you but i really couldn't. I'M SORRY. I hope our Friday's outing to Sentosa to celebrate your birthday was partially enough. PARTIALLY.
I love you Mr. Boyfriend. I hope your birthday was a blast today though it wasn't spent with me.
I can't wait to celebrate your birthday tomorrow, we'll act like it's still your birthday.
I'll pray that all your wishes would come true and longevity for you and your family.
I'll pray that you'll get better days in the days to come.
So that you won't feel unwanted, cause i still want you.
I'll pray that you'll always be well.
I'll pray that this won't just be some luckless romance.
I'll pray that you'll get richer and you'll pamper me more, HAH.
Lastly, I'll pray that i'll always have you.
And for once rahter in all the other relationships, I mean this.
Love you Birthday boy.
Kiss you on the North, kiss you one the South, kiss you on the
East, kiss you on the West.
I'll love you ALL OVER THE MAP.
Won't wish you yet but since today is also our Monthsary,
HAPPY EIGHT MONTHS.
On this very date, at 1030pm, November.
It's going to be 1030pm on my watch soon ..
Love you babe.
Mwah.
Thursday, June 18, 2009, 2:00 AM
Promised him a post.
I promised my boyfriend I'd post about him but my blog was too corrupted to do so. But now, i have the time, so here it is.
Hasroy, you're a very sweet person who has a way with persuasion. Though you usually lose and i obviously always win, you never seem to end arguements or uncalled for issues with a sorry. I never seem to be able to do that. And finally, I'm sorry. I'm sorry i never apologised since the beginning of this relationship. I always fought my way to win that "battle" that i never saw how you always gave in to me.
I love you Hasroy.
Thank you. Thank you for still believing in us and always giving in. Thank for you for lending me your shoulders and ears whenever i'm not confident or whenever i'm in doubt. Thank you for always caring and sharing with me, with all your things and your endless treats. Thank you for being my boyfriend. For the first time on this blog, i'll say,
I LOVE YOU HASROY.
It won't be long till we reach a year together and i can't wait for have more fun and laughter with you. You're the best damn thing and i swear, you're the most wonderful shorty i've ever met. And please, don't stop pampering me or stop giving me messages though i never reply to them. Those things are the essential to me, because I'm spoilt.
I love you hasroy.
Here is the post i owed you and has been promising you for a very long time.
I love you Hasroy, now go send me a message (:
, 1:39 AM
Honestly.
I don't like these kinda situations actually, she just made me do it. She me made me go mad, she mad me feel like throwing her off a building. The way she talked in her blog, it was like she was the queen. She deserved my hearful attention through my post. Salute you la Naz, jgn lyn aku lagi ya, nnt never ending.
Seriously, stop it.
Don't tag my board cause I've banned you.
I've had enough of Nazira and her partner in crime, Guest.
Lol, sedih la tak tahu nama betul.
I've deleted the tags.
I really meant it when i said i wanted a clean break.
Idk why you had to point your finger at me but honestly, who wouldn't be angry at Nazira?
When you pointed out about the taking of sides, it was actually pretty obvious you were on hers.
So it was hypocritical of you to even try to persuade me.
So, i'll end everything here. Enough of the tags, NAZIRA is old story. Take care, like seriously, if this continues, kecoh uh.
Seriously, stop it.
Don't tag my board cause I've banned you.
I've had enough of Nazira and her partner in crime, Guest.
Lol, sedih la tak tahu nama betul.
I've deleted the tags.
I really meant it when i said i wanted a clean break.
Idk why you had to point your finger at me but honestly, who wouldn't be angry at Nazira?
When you pointed out about the taking of sides, it was actually pretty obvious you were on hers.
So it was hypocritical of you to even try to persuade me.
So, i'll end everything here. Enough of the tags, NAZIRA is old story. Take care, like seriously, if this continues, kecoh uh.
Monday, June 15, 2009, 8:58 PM
A post about people who turn other people's word upside down. Misconception much?
Today i blog, why? Because suddenly, i'm not lazy. Why? Because i went to my friend's email to retrieve something, but i ended up reading something else. This led me to the subject's blog. Which led me to this post.
I have to admit, reading your post, Nazira Jaaffar, caused a serious stir and i believe right now, I have every possible right to malign or rather just bust you out of your own world right now.
Dear readers, kindly read the email below.
I have to admit, reading your post, Nazira Jaaffar, caused a serious stir and i believe right now, I have every possible right to malign or rather just bust you out of your own world right now.
Dear readers, kindly read the email below.
From: Mira Kerns (beutifully_disgrace@hotmail.com)
To: Naz (nazjayy@live.com.sg)
Date: Sun, 10 May 2009 10:59:27 +0800
Hey Nazjayy. Mira here. Since your blog had no tagboard, i guess this is the best place for me to ask you this.
Okay, i've read your postsss lately. About you, your lectures, friends, shisha, mr jellyfish. Those pictures. Beautiful pictures. I'm just wondering, do you still loved your mr jellyfish? No, this has got nothing to do with Khidhir. It's just that i've read your posts and i'm curious.
Don't worry, i'm cool with this, and of course i will respect what you'll say.
From:
nurul nazira (nazjayy@live.com.sg)Sent:
12 May 2009
03: 57AMTo:
Mira kerns (beutifully_disgrace@hotmail.com)Amirah, you dont
know how it feels to wait for someone like khid for dont know how many years.
my life at secondary school is all about HIM. nothing else.
this is soo
da perna terjadi kinda thing.he was with me when im sec 2 and then 4days
later he was with khamelia and i gave in and didnt talk to him for almost 1year
and we got back and i got to know he is contacting aisyah and then he said sorry
and aisyah siad something like' naz, i really dont know what to say to you but
youre so strong and HOW CAN YOU TAHAN THIS LIAR?!'after some time he
contacted fida, MY BESTFRIEND but cant blame fida because she didnt know i was
with khid.
till now khid wouldnt want to admit his mistakes to me and i doubt
he said sorry to aisyah.i forgive him after soo many things he did to me.
after how many buckets of tears!
?
i never treated our relationship so
strong or i love him soo much kinda thing after that incidents.
he was the
one saying promises and made me believed him so much because he kept saying he
is a changed person.
oh by the way thats his favourite phrase(:
he even
promise me that he will be my husband and yada yada yada did he told you
that?khid is like my brother, my bestfriend, my boyfriend and my everything
la!
i was close to his family? and he was close to the people i love, my maid
and sisters and cousins and aunties.
i was afraid that to tell my parents
about him but they knew that i was with him, so dumb of me!
and i thought
they got mad but they were ok.we gone trough quite alot and i never blame
you for this. i think im just tooo straight? and cannot take it kinda girl
haha.he once said that whatever happens, we will make things better and
sooner or later we will be back together again.
mira, I NEVER EVER SAID THAT
NOT EVEN ONCE!
the only mistake is i wrote 'naz love khid, we'll be back' at
the deck of eiffel tower.
he was the one making promises and then leave me
because of what?! he wants to go ITE?!
i never looked down on that, never
ever.
i think that time we were both very angry at each other and if he is
very angry he can say may mean things ala same like me ah haha.maybe you
just know him like 4-5 months and still want to know more about him.
you
might want to ask khamelia or wirda or aisyah about khid and see if they laugh
or maybe just roll their eyes.
or maybe they will go , 'ARE YOU SERIOUS YOURE
WITH THAT BUGGER!?!?!' or maybe they wont talk to you like how they did to
me-__-i dont know why i still love him, i just cant hate him!
i might be
the cruel one telling people that i hated khid yada yada yada but i know he knew
that i never mean it.
its just hard to let him off! ugh!
i knew him long
time ago since he was in primary6 and theres toooo many things i know about him
that made me soo pissed off because i should have not know him but i never
regreted knowing him.actually ive been wanting to see you long time ago but
i dont want to because i think this will just end soon.
BUT IM SOOO SOOOO
WRONG because its not ending, not even close to ending!
and i thought if i
were to meet you things will get even worse.you tell me how to forget about
khid?i sleep, there will be two things lying on bed that he bought for
me.
i wake up go toilet i remembered him saying that he doesnt like me using
dove shampoo because got babi oil haha damn mrepek! and i changed to his
shampoo.
i go to the room and change i wear his perfume he bought for
me.
i want to go to school, im wearing the bag he bought for me.
i am
soooo cold inside the studio i wear his FOX jacket.
i want to eat mc donalds
i remembered his favourite burger and order mc spicy straight away!
i go
library i remembered we used to study together and he will study hard for me and
his family.
i go home in the train i saw couples, like want to slap their
faces!
i go reach home i cook/bake i remembered he used to come over my house
just to taste my muffins.the routine is the like that everyday.
and i
cannot cry already la too many tears already come out, now da kering.i just
want you to try put your shoes into mine.
what if you waited for someone for
donkey years and he treated you like trash, go to this girl, to that girl and
then say sorry and then you waited again because he said he found his love and
then he came back to you and then leading a happy life and then suddenly CRASHHH everything fall just like that?
not only that, he even mentioned that he wont
go find any girls after you and will love you forever and will tell his kids
that he love only one girl which is you.i had nothing after khid and try
sooooo hard to move on but i just cant.
when i go out with those guys i
blogged about, we talk mostly about khid.
and they will get tired of me and
leave me but im sooo cool with that because they mean nothing to me.its sad
la because till now im not talking to khamelia, aisyah or whoever he was with,
its just sad.and if you ask me if i love him or not?
maybe you should
know my answer already.so you tell me is this like history going to repeat
himself? and if you were to ask me if i am waiting for him or not??i'd say
my life is always about waiting and if people say im the bad girl yada yada yada
you can see how patient/nice i am with this guy named muhammad khidhir.mira,
other than all those bad things happened he was nice to me, very patient too, he
never fails to make me smile and can meet me up anytime when im down. he will be
the first person to hear my cryings and the next day he bought my starbucks and
brought me to swensens just to make me happy.so yeah happy 3months with
khid
From: Anna
To Nazira Jaaffar
I love fat people, really. Sumpah demi ALLAH. I admire their
courage or rather their ignorance to what others might comment. I believe
they're very beautiful people. But somehow rather, i find you only beautiful on
the outside. Wait, I don't find you beautiful at all.Please la Nazira, even if you wanted to malign
Amirah, you didn't have to be such a B to write it on your blog right? You just
want everyone to know of your problem.WTF, so what if Amirah's only 15? She's still
human like you, she's matured enough to think like you too. So don't belittle
others just because you're just a little older.
And you freaking claim you
don't love Khid? "i dont know why i still love him, i just cant hate him!" Who
are you trying to prove? Amirah totally doesn't deserve this.She didn't give a hoot on your feelings
towards Khid, if only you hadn't psycho her with your little fairytale secondary
love life story, she wouldn't even be bothered of you.Stop it Nazira, you're old enough, and you're
already elsewhere while Khid is still in school. And unfortunately for you, he
has a girlfriend who can't be bothered with his past.
You think posting a
conversation of Khid and you will solve everything?Don't perasaan ke bye-bye if you'd think
Amirah Binte Zainal Abidin would keep visiting your blog because she cares so
much for your sorry life.
It's because of your email that taunts her. Your
email that made her feel that you were much more inferior.Amirah minds her own business. So stop acting
like you're all innocent and nice. I know you've bitched about people. And it's
not just then, you still bitch about people. And that doesn't entitle you to
such rights to be respected.Don't think everyone will love you, i kow you
never mentioned this but just some guidance to your sorry life, give some
respect before you can actually earn the respect from other. I'm sorry that you
weren't disciplined on this enough to know it (:Please jangan ganggu Amirah lagi. My grammar
may have gotten erratic but seriously, back off.Dah, i didn't need to open my eyes that big to
notice how ugly you are.But before anyone starts hating you, i hope
that beneath all that drama and criticism, you're still a wonderful young lady
who your friends really adore.And Nazira, I don't hate you. Don't piss me
off.Okay, now it's my turn; have a good life ahead
Nazira Jaaffar.
Thursday, June 11, 2009, 12:56 PM
Currently my 134th post.
I had my netball camp yesterday. And i can't attend today's activities. Tomorrow's the camp's netball carnival, and i'm darn excited for it. I hope i get more new tees cause the one they gave was like wtf? In my p.o.v, I honestly feel that the team tat i'm in, consist of the very few racist that i would expect. The mood swings and default face? What's with that? I totally lost interest in playing.
Uh, whatever.
Well, besides that, i feel like i'm seriously, seriously losing them. You guys always talk about how you love each other. How they're the greatest. ME? Nada. You can post about all your other friends leaving you but you never stop to thank me or say anything to me. Jealous you say? MAYBE. Maybe i've lost it, well, i understand. I've been a bitch. I'm sorry.
Uh, whatever.
Well, besides that, i feel like i'm seriously, seriously losing them. You guys always talk about how you love each other. How they're the greatest. ME? Nada. You can post about all your other friends leaving you but you never stop to thank me or say anything to me. Jealous you say? MAYBE. Maybe i've lost it, well, i understand. I've been a bitch. I'm sorry.
Sunday, June 7, 2009, 1:11 AM
I
MISS
HASROY!
I
LOVE
YOU
TEEN
TITANS!
I'M
AN
OOMPA
LOOMPA!
I seriously just got mad. I'm enissophobic. HAAAA, wasn't that random.
I just found out that my favourite number, 5 and 7, has been jinxing me. And that the GREEN that i LOVE so much, is badbadbadbad luck. So much for Favourites.
Oh, and i still miss Hasroy (: Heh. Dah, diam, shush.
Oh, oh, oh! I've finally gotten a new account for my Livejournal, go figure out.
Mwah, love you.
MISS
HASROY!
I
LOVE
YOU
TEEN
TITANS!
I'M
AN
OOMPA
LOOMPA!
I seriously just got mad. I'm enissophobic. HAAAA, wasn't that random.
I just found out that my favourite number, 5 and 7, has been jinxing me. And that the GREEN that i LOVE so much, is badbadbadbad luck. So much for Favourites.
Oh, and i still miss Hasroy (: Heh. Dah, diam, shush.
Oh, oh, oh! I've finally gotten a new account for my Livejournal, go figure out.
Mwah, love you.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009, 8:47 PM
Holiday much?
The holidays have already started, but it doesnt feel like it. I see no point being dragged to school everyday; where's the holidays now? Yes Dian, my camp was mentally painful and physically tiring and dirty. Gosh, i was so envious hearing bout your camp.
Anyways, i've been wanting to update with pictures but i just can get myself to.
I seem to always have somethin else to do.
I feel like privating my blog or just taking out my tagboard.
I don't know why, i found someone who actually posted my post (Post on spammers) on her blog.
Sure she changed a few lines, and though great minds think alike, it wont be a coincidence since i know you and since the points all telly the same.
And god, even the paragraphing and storylines the same. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? Cheebai uh, you fucking minah tersesat.
I don't feel like dwelling on this issue. Today at home, all the dweebs gathered at my house to watch SEX IS ZERO, TWO! It's less boring compared to the first one. We ate crackers and bought thi very huge 2.5 litres coke. 2.5 LITRES LEI! Fcuking huge la, and it was dirt cheap at only $1.95. Thrifty la kan. Okay, i'm super lazy to blog any further.
Anyways, i've been wanting to update with pictures but i just can get myself to.
I seem to always have somethin else to do.
I feel like privating my blog or just taking out my tagboard.
I don't know why, i found someone who actually posted my post (Post on spammers) on her blog.
Sure she changed a few lines, and though great minds think alike, it wont be a coincidence since i know you and since the points all telly the same.
And god, even the paragraphing and storylines the same. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? Cheebai uh, you fucking minah tersesat.
I don't feel like dwelling on this issue. Today at home, all the dweebs gathered at my house to watch SEX IS ZERO, TWO! It's less boring compared to the first one. We ate crackers and bought thi very huge 2.5 litres coke. 2.5 LITRES LEI! Fcuking huge la, and it was dirt cheap at only $1.95. Thrifty la kan. Okay, i'm super lazy to blog any further.
UPDATES:
(Might be related to YOU)
- Sentosa trip, confirmed babe! (SZ Game will b held too!)
- Girl's day trip.
- Camp Dairy Farm '08 JUNE Gathering. (Will be confirmed.)
(School related)
- AYG. (I don't know what's this but sounds fun!)
(Family related)
- Studio Photo Taking - Family (: (Will be confirmed)
People, if you are in any way related to my plans and have questions,
please ask me. I WILL get back to you as soon as i can (:
Oh shoot.
To everyone who has my number,
90446769 is NOT in use anymore.
Please ask me personally
for my new number (:
Thank you, mwah.
