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Tuesday, March 17, 2009, 12:37 PM
For what it seems like an eternity.
I've been going on, on how life's unfair and stuff and you'd think I've gone Emo and all but I'm not. I've been going through some unexpected events and they're things that never occurred, would be happening to me. All the commotion, it's very surprising and I'm dreading, every single step of it. It's excruciatingly slow and every part seems to get even harder. I don't know if this calamity is a lesson to be learnt or if it's a process of growing up. Or if it's just a broken marriage that breaks our family apart.
People look at how happy i am and they never would have thought that someone like me would have a wreckage for a life. My parents are on the brink of a divorce. My granny's forgetting so much and she's almost blind. It hurts that every thing's happening at the same time. My results are out, it's obvious i failed brilliantly, and the aftermath doesn't seem any more wonderful. They hit me, they question my sexuality, they swore on me, they throw every single blame on me. I try not to think about it but trying is much more of pretence when everything is already there, neatly placed on a mat for you to observe. It's obvious, its reality. It brings me down. It makes me hate myself for being in my own shoes. Sometimes i just want to end my life but it's stupidity that arouses me to do so. It's just part and parcel of life, and i accept it. I didn't look at things like i used to. I don't think I'll love my parents the same but I didn't have to sit around and hold my breath, waiting for it to stop. Because i made a change.
Thank god I have support, all the pillars i may need. It's clear that misfortune happens but it's clearer that I'm the one with that perspective and i can change how i see it. I'm commencing the change. The phrase, "No one's perfect," now appeals to me like chocolate.
Thank you Hasroy, you made an awesome change in my life. Though you cant get the right things to say at times, you try your best to comfort me with those words from your heart. And i love you for helping me in this process.
Thank you Ashhy, for your encouragement and all those small things that you did. You're a wonderful person and I thank you for being my best friend.
Thank you Mira, for showing me sympathy (which clearly wasn't needed but thank you). And for missing me and spending time with me. Like always, being the best friend.
Thank you, everyone else who had empathy and helped me. I couldn't go through such things without you guys.
XOXO,
Diyanah.
People look at how happy i am and they never would have thought that someone like me would have a wreckage for a life. My parents are on the brink of a divorce. My granny's forgetting so much and she's almost blind. It hurts that every thing's happening at the same time. My results are out, it's obvious i failed brilliantly, and the aftermath doesn't seem any more wonderful. They hit me, they question my sexuality, they swore on me, they throw every single blame on me. I try not to think about it but trying is much more of pretence when everything is already there, neatly placed on a mat for you to observe. It's obvious, its reality. It brings me down. It makes me hate myself for being in my own shoes. Sometimes i just want to end my life but it's stupidity that arouses me to do so. It's just part and parcel of life, and i accept it. I didn't look at things like i used to. I don't think I'll love my parents the same but I didn't have to sit around and hold my breath, waiting for it to stop. Because i made a change.
Thank god I have support, all the pillars i may need. It's clear that misfortune happens but it's clearer that I'm the one with that perspective and i can change how i see it. I'm commencing the change. The phrase, "No one's perfect," now appeals to me like chocolate.
Thank you Hasroy, you made an awesome change in my life. Though you cant get the right things to say at times, you try your best to comfort me with those words from your heart. And i love you for helping me in this process.
Thank you Ashhy, for your encouragement and all those small things that you did. You're a wonderful person and I thank you for being my best friend.
Thank you Mira, for showing me sympathy (which clearly wasn't needed but thank you). And for missing me and spending time with me. Like always, being the best friend.
Thank you, everyone else who had empathy and helped me. I couldn't go through such things without you guys.
XOXO,
Diyanah.
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